When we look back on our past, we make a choice which narrative we choose to place upon our memories. We decided if despite the challenges we remember how far we have come and what we have achieved, or we can place ourselves back in each situation and feel exhausted by the old emotions of those events.
10 years ago, this week became the beginning of what seemed to be a spiral of events that changed my life. From the first until the last it seemed to spiral out of control and test my resolve.
I sat down to watch the television with my partner, our children in bed, or up doing their own thing. Life was good. My partner had sought the help he needed to deal with some really challenging mental health issues. For their help, I will be forever thankful to combat stress. My mother had called to let us know that Cheryl Cole would be performing her latest hit on the X Factor and how that would get my partner's heart racing. Now those words seem shocking, some may say a premonition. My partner became unwell with what I thought was a panic attack and after over an hour of being unwell was rushed to hospital suffering a heart attack. I remember spending the night led on a bed in the family room waiting for him to return from theatre. The world seemed so quiet; I could not call anyone as it was the middle of the night. I was alone with my thoughts which can be a very dangerous place. The operation was successful and just 4 days later he returned home. We enjoyed just learning to be calmer and changing diets and old habits. Life was different but we were making the changes that would lead to a better quality of life for us all. Sunday morning came and we could not believe a week had passed since he was taken ill. By 12 noon that day life changed forever, having suffered another devastating heart attack my partner died. I never felt pain like it but also strength. I had to find strength from within myself that I never thought existed. Not just for myself but for our children. I had to not only get through my own grief but help them in theirs and there was no manual that would help me to understand what to do. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and we found a new normal, life had changed but we worked together to be strong and learn to smile once more.
I moved forward and managed to find someone that would not only love me but also love my children and help us as a family to grow and see our life unfold in ways that we could not believe was possible. I became a mother again to two beautiful girls and with our family growing, we decided to move to be closer to my mother. This was the next stage of learning for us all as just months after moving my mother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer which had spread to her brain, 7 tumours robbed me of my mother and my own sanity. Losing her was devastating so close to the loss of my partner is seemed like a cruel joke. I sunk to depths that were darker than I can even fathom now. Just when life became so dark that I could barely function I knew I had to make changes, I had to make a positive of this terrible event that stole part of my mind. So, I started up my computer and I typed in “psychology degree” I may not have understood what was happening to me, but I was going to damn well find out. I vowed at that moment that I would do all I could to help others to never feel how I had felt. I also looked at my mother’s life and see this beautiful, amazing, and intelligent lady pass with so much undone and undiscovered. This was not going to happen to me. So, now I had two small children, a teenager, stepsons in all parts of the country, caring for my father with Parkinson’s and my 95-year-old grandmother. I loved every single minute. I loved being busy, being needed, caring for others.
I then found out I was pregnant with our son, such amazing joy for us all. We all became so excited a boy; how happy mum would have been. I was taken into hospital as the stubborn boy decided he wanted to lay across and refused to budge, the consultant tried to turn him five times and I was a celebrity with the midwives because I had coped with some many tries. I called my dad each morning to tell him the latest, I would then sit in my hospital bed finishing my latest university assignment. I was booked for a c section and in the morning, we went down to be scanned so they could see what was happening before the operation. The boy had moved, and we were so happy, I was rushed to be induced before he decided to move again. I tried to call my dad to let him know the good news there was no answer. Through the day in labour I called still no answer and then I called his neighbour and asked if she would be a love and go make sure he was okay. Dad was a stubborn old goat too and if he did not want to talk to anyone would ignore the phone. Labour really kicked in and the gas and air was amazing and then my partner's phone rang. When his back turned I knew instinctively what had happened. I said loudly “he has gone, hasn’t he?” At that moment I knew. Dad’s neighbour had gone over and found my dad had passed away and in that moment there in the delivery room, maybe gas and air, maybe my imagination but I saw mum and dad for a split second together smiling as they said goodbye to me and hello to their grandson. Having my beautiful boy to hold helped with the pain of such a heart-breaking loss, but again I needed to take a positive from this and I googled once more. “Hypnotherapy training” I found CPHT in Bristol and began my studies to become a hypnotherapist. I now cared for my family, continued with university, caring for my now 98-year-old grandmother, and completed a diploma in solution-focused hypnotherapy.
Again, life was good I started The Halcyon Practice, my own business that was dedicated to my goal of helping others become the best version of themselves. I studied, cared, worked, and loved life and I even planned a huge community event to get my business noticed as part of the community. A Christmas market to boost the moods of so many. One week before the market my beautiful Grandmother, 99 years old died. I kept going and I will always keep going. I am no saint; I am no different from
anyone else. Everyone can be strong and make changes. Do I have down days? You bet. Do I struggle sometimes? of course. Do I give up? Never!
When I look back on the past 10 years now, I look back and honestly believe that I did so well. I dealt with some heavy stuff and refused to lie down. One decision to turn positives out of the worst experiences changed my life. So, when I write about making changes and being the best and moving forward. I am not just another therapist with a tag line, I am a person, one that has lived the struggles and found a way to overcome them. I am a person that is dedicated to finding those who like me struggle and helping them to see that they are amazing and they can change those things which are changeable, find strength, inner peace, and achieve whatever goals they set for themselves.
So to mark 10 years since my life changed I offer you the opportunity to change yours.
The Halcyon practice offers all those reaching out between 17th October 2020 and 10th November 2020
FREE initial consultation, FREE MP3 relaxation, and 10% off all their sessions.